Reasons that the Holidays SUCK!

Life is always too complicated. My grandmother decided she didn't want to see me on my birthday because I told her I would be drinking in the evening. And now, it's Xmas time and it's Jeremy's family's turn to host Xmas according to the arrangement Jeremy and I have had since the beginning of our relationship. We trade off xmas every year. Last year, he stayed in OKC. This year, I will go to Tulsa to spend xmas day with his peeps. Gramma is upset that I will not be at home this year and she thinks it's some vindictive way to "get even" for my birthday. It really isn't. I don't know how to communicate this frustration to anyone - if I tell Jeremy, he'll feel like he has to do something to fix it and he'll feel pressured to back out on xmas in Tulsa. If I tell Gramma, she won't even believe me and it will be a miserable conversation...just like nearly every conversation of any substance that I have with her. Why does she have to make things so difficult? I truly want to get along with her. I want to be honest and friendly but when I told her the truth about my birthday plans... She makes me want to lie to her and I feel guilty twice over - once for disappointing her tee-totaling standards and again for wishing I had lied. And now I feel guilty for everything. I ruined my own birthday. I'm ruining xmas for Gramma. I always feel a little bad for not being at home on xmas but it'll be extra awkward since now she thinks I'm going only to be shallow and selfish.

I don't know if I would have cancelled my drinking plans if she had given me the option. Perhaps I would have. Maybe not. I really can't say honestly that I know what I would have done if I were given the chance. Regardless, I didn't think I was being selfish that day. She was. And the real problem is that I don't know if I'm being selfish by going to Tulsa for xmas...What does the internet think, I wonder. Feel free to offer advice. Good or bad.

The New Job

So I started work at DHS Child Support Enforcement on Thursday. Just like any other job, it has its pros and cons...

Pros:

I have my very own desk for the first time ever.

I have an hour for lunch, two 15 minute breaks, and an optional 30 minute "activity" break.

I make pretty damn good money.

I don't have to talk to clients very often since I'm in the finance department.

My coworkers all seem to be pretty laid-back and no one really works that hard.

My boss(es) seem to like me.

The hours are very traditional, which means making plans with friends is easy.

There are very few strict rules.

I get to look like a sexy professional lady since dress code is business/business casual.

Cons:

Everybody who works there is weird. Really weird.

They aren't coffee drinkers. No coffee maker anywhere that I can find.

I still don't have a car and waiting on 23rd and Kelley for my ride to show up is a little scary for a small white girl.

The office is always frigid. Too many fat people in charge of the heater.

I have to wake up. (That's a con that would come with any job, but it's such a big one that I would be remiss in my duties to leave it off the list.)

One of the few strict rules is that cell phone use isn't allowed.

I'm one of the youngest employees and old people are boring.

I have yet to do anything at all at work other than watch other people do their job. It's been almost unbearably dull so far. They say that will change when we get on the computers.

So that is the job as of now. I'm sure there will be more excitement to come. Maybe someday, my blog will be interesting to somebody other than me and my boyfriend. Right now, not so much.

I have officially decided to restart the blog. I'm not a terribly interesting person but I've been so bored lately, I might as well do something with my time.

I tried cheezy online games (didn't last, they're boring). I tried watching TV (can't do that all day everyday). I need something new.

I should be starting work at DHS as a child support specialist very soon. I'm very excited about that.

I should also start babysitting soonish. Kristy will start work this Saturday and she'll need help with the boys when she works, especially after her hubby goes to Afghanistan.

I'm out of practice at this blogging thing so forgive my disjointed comments. Hopefully future posts will be a bit more organized and maybe even slightly interesting. :)

Movin' on up...

Ignignokt and Err wreak havoc in Boston! in RL, guyz.

In Boston a few days ago, Ignignokt and Err shut down major city streets and temporarily stopped the subway system because a bunch of retards thought they were bombs. The Mooninites were chillin' out, doing some Aqua Teen promotion and the bomb squad was called on the poor guys. Reportedly, their presence cost the city of Boston $750,000 and Comedy Central has to pay it.
So in summary, there were a bunch of Ignignokt and Err Lite-Brites all over the place. People freak. As the bomb squad investigates, Ignignokt continues to give them the finger as hard as he can.
I think that's fucking hilarious.

Console Camping + VG Cats = LMAO + I want a Wii

(Hint: Click then zoom to read.)

"Hate Me"

by Blue October

[I never listened to these lyrics before. Damn, they're appropriate. Music is so good for that.]

I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space

Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
Hate me for all the things i didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with.
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again.
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate.
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
Hate me for all the things i didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
Hate me for all the things i didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.