"We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves." ~Lynn Hall

Reasons that the Holidays SUCK!

2009-12-21T17:56:00.007-06:00

Life is always too complicated. My grandmother decided she didn't want to see me on my birthday because I told her I would be drinking in the evening. And now, it's Xmas time and it's Jeremy's family's turn to host Xmas according to the arrangement Jeremy and I have had since the beginning of our relationship. We trade off xmas every year. Last year, he stayed in OKC. This year, I will go to Tulsa to spend xmas day with his peeps. Gramma is upset that I will not be at home this year and she thinks it's some vindictive way to "get even" for my birthday. It really isn't. I don't know how to communicate this frustration to anyone - if I tell Jeremy, he'll feel like he has to do something to fix it and he'll feel pressured to back out on xmas in Tulsa. If I tell Gramma, she won't even believe me and it will be a miserable conversation...just like nearly every conversation of any substance that I have with her. Why does she have to make things so difficult? I truly want to get along with her. I want to be honest and friendly but when I told her the truth about my birthday plans... She makes me want to lie to her and I feel guilty twice over - once for disappointing her tee-totaling standards and again for wishing I had lied. And now I feel guilty for everything. I ruined my own birthday. I'm ruining xmas for Gramma. I always feel a little bad for not being at home on xmas but it'll be extra awkward since now she thinks I'm going only to be shallow and selfish.

I don't know if I would have cancelled my drinking plans if she had given me the option. Perhaps I would have. Maybe not. I really can't say honestly that I know what I would have done if I were given the chance. Regardless, I didn't think I was being selfish that day. She was. And the real problem is that I don't know if I'm being selfish by going to Tulsa for xmas...What does the internet think, I wonder. Feel free to offer advice. Good or bad.

The New Job

2009-11-14T08:23:00.003-06:00

So I started work at DHS Child Support Enforcement on Thursday. Just like any other job, it has its pros and cons...

Pros:

I have my very own desk for the first time ever.

I have an hour for lunch, two 15 minute breaks, and an optional 30 minute "activity" break.

I make pretty damn good money.

I don't have to talk to clients very often since I'm in the finance department.

My coworkers all seem to be pretty laid-back and no one really works that hard.

My boss(es) seem to like me.

The hours are very traditional, which means making plans with friends is easy.

There are very few strict rules.

I get to look like a sexy professional lady since dress code is business/business casual.

Cons:

Everybody who works there is weird. Really weird.

They aren't coffee drinkers. No coffee maker anywhere that I can find.

I still don't have a car and waiting on 23rd and Kelley for my ride to show up is a little scary for a small white girl.

The office is always frigid. Too many fat people in charge of the heater.

I have to wake up. (That's a con that would come with any job, but it's such a big one that I would be remiss in my duties to leave it off the list.)

One of the few strict rules is that cell phone use isn't allowed.

I'm one of the youngest employees and old people are boring.

I have yet to do anything at all at work other than watch other people do their job. It's been almost unbearably dull so far. They say that will change when we get on the computers.

So that is the job as of now. I'm sure there will be more excitement to come. Maybe someday, my blog will be interesting to somebody other than me and my boyfriend. Right now, not so much.

2009-11-05T19:45:00.002-06:00

I have officially decided to restart the blog. I'm not a terribly interesting person but I've been so bored lately, I might as well do something with my time.

I tried cheezy online games (didn't last, they're boring). I tried watching TV (can't do that all day everyday). I need something new.

I should be starting work at DHS as a child support specialist very soon. I'm very excited about that.

I should also start babysitting soonish. Kristy will start work this Saturday and she'll need help with the boys when she works, especially after her hubby goes to Afghanistan.

I'm out of practice at this blogging thing so forgive my disjointed comments. Hopefully future posts will be a bit more organized and maybe even slightly interesting. :)

Movin' on up...

2007-02-08T13:40:00.000-06:00

Ignignokt and Err wreak havoc in Boston! in RL, guyz.

2007-02-02T16:21:00.000-06:00

In Boston a few days ago, Ignignokt and Err shut down major city streets and temporarily stopped the subway system because a bunch of retards thought they were bombs. The Mooninites were chillin' out, doing some Aqua Teen promotion and the bomb squad was called on the poor guys. Reportedly, their presence cost the city of Boston $750,000 and Comedy Central has to pay it.
So in summary, there were a bunch of Ignignokt and Err Lite-Brites all over the place. People freak. As the bomb squad investigates, Ignignokt continues to give them the finger as hard as he can.
I think that's fucking hilarious.

2006-11-23T19:09:00.001-06:00

Console Camping + VG Cats = LMAO + I want a Wii

2006-11-23T19:09:00.000-06:00

(Hint: Click then zoom to read.)

"Hate Me"

2006-11-09T14:24:00.000-06:00

by Blue October

[I never listened to these lyrics before. Damn, they're appropriate. Music is so good for that.]

I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space

Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
Hate me for all the things i didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with.
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again.
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate.
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
Hate me for all the things i didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
Hate me for all the things i didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

Feeling Pensive

2006-10-23T22:12:00.000-05:00

I hate that tests always fall on top of each other. It's just not fair. All possible stress has to come all at the same time. I think I just failed an organic chemistry exam. My Spanish test is Wednesday and I hate "mi profesora."
On top of the tests I can't seem to shake a weird, distracted sort of feeling. I'm conflicted. Some of you know what I mean. Some of you don't. But whether you know or not...I'M SO FUCKING TIRED OF ALWAYS DOING THE SAME DAMN THING!
Every day...the same textbooks saying the same things over and over, the same people playing the same stupid game, the same shit at work (even the same customers with the same goddamn stupid questions), the same classes with the same teachers with the same monotone. Even in Spanish it's all redundant.
I want to meet new people and do different exciting things.
I'm sick of this.
Why do I feel so trapped?

From Eric Schmidt, Google CEO and scary genius

2006-08-21T17:46:00.000-05:00

"But ultimately our goal at Google is to have the strongest advertising network and all the world's information, that's part of our mission."

Whoa. While, in my mind, Google is one of the few and the proud companies remaining with integrity and good old fashioned smarts, it's still frightening. Knowledge is power and Mr. Schmidt wants ALL of it. All. In the world. Whoa.

OMFG!

2006-06-30T14:34:00.000-05:00

I laughed so hard. Paris Hilton makes fun of herself. This is great.

Rough Day

2006-06-28T19:30:00.000-05:00

This is one of those days where I feel like I just can't get anything right. I think I'm probably doing just fine. It's just that I'm so stressed I can't tell.
I'll be done with Petsmart in two days and I'll be full time at Radioshack making good money for once. I'll be done with film and video studies in just a couple of hours (as soon as I finish my final paper) and I will have completely repaired my GPA back to more than its former glory. My boyfriend will be coming down to Norman this weekend and I can finally stop whining about missing him so much. I got another scholarship - this one from Big Brothers/ Big Sisters. So really it should be a great day. But I'm on edge and...upsettable for some reason. I'm gonna finish this damn paper and see if that takes a load off my shoulders. It certainly can't hurt.
Adios for now.

PS I know what you're thinking and, no, it's not PMS.

Finally, an excuse!

2006-06-15T09:35:00.000-05:00

See, people. There's a reason I've been drinking so much Diet Coke. :-p

The Best Thing about Taking FVS Again

2006-06-08T10:09:00.000-05:00

I have three hours a day to read WoW forums.
I'm gonna be the best damn warlock on Darkspear by the end of this month.

A Meditation on Dieting

2006-06-04T20:45:00.000-05:00

Reading stories about dieters and seeing before and after shots can be inspiring for me most of the time. It makes me feel like I can do it too.
One inspiring story is Michael Hebranko. At his peak, he weighed 1100 pounds. That's not a typo. He weighed more than half a ton, more than five baby elephants, about as much as my car. With gastric bypass surgery and a daily phone call of support from Richard Simmons, he got down to less than 200 pounds. He set the Guinness World Record for weight loss.
But after the weight loss, he made the mistake of celebrating by a visit to Nathan's Famous Hot Dogs. He ate four dogs...and fries...and milkshakes...and he fell off the wagon. He regained all his weight and eventually, because of an infection, he had to have a wall removed from his house, a device usually used for moving killer whales, and a forklift to take him back to the hospital.
He said something about dieting that made me think. We already know that food is an addiction for many people. Michael understood his addiction and had it under control for a time when he had supervision but when he had to control his own food, it proved too difficult for him. He said "I have to lose weight and I have to eat. Imagine if alcoholics had to have one drink every day. Only one."
Michael knows he can keep eating or he can die. But he keeps eating. That's how strong the addiction can be. That's scary. I'm certainly not in that condition but it still gives a glimpse of how tough it feels sometimes.

I lost four pounds this week (and I still have 2 days left in the week). I want to be healthy and love my body again. I know I can do it. I'm going to do it.

Results of Redecoration

2006-06-02T20:04:00.000-05:00

I redid my bedroom.

Damn, I need to update.

2006-05-29T22:51:00.000-05:00

Here are a few random tidbits that I will throw together and name "an update."

I have decided that I will not join a guild until I'm level 60.

I could have done X3 better than they did.

Shakira is hot.

Hookah is fun.

Tulsa is better than Norman during the summer.

Obligatory End-of-semester Post

2006-05-15T21:44:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's been a while since I updated. I've been busy and WoW is almost always so much more appealing than blogging. And yet, I've found a bit of time as I watch Troy on HBO. The movie's pretty slow but that makes it good for a background viewing.
Anyway, I'm done with classes for the semester (obviously) and I think I did very well this time 'round. It is at the very least a vast improvement over the fall semester's grades.
I'm off on two camping trips in a row starting Wednesday. The first trip will be to Arkansas. The second will be to South Dakota. I've never been camping before but I think I should have fun...as long as I don't die. I'll certainly try to post when I get back to show off pretty pictures and to discuss all the life-altering moments I experienced.
After camping, summer classes start. That will not be fun. But I gotta do what I gotta do.
I also need a job. I'm so freakin' poor. I have one but I need another.
I really don't feel like writing anything and I'm on vacation so I'm gonna stop writing.
FIN

Best quote of the week...or month...

2006-04-25T22:34:00.000-05:00

"How many times in recent years have science reporters had to write some version of that sentence? "Some scientists and legislators said the [WHITE HOUSE/FEDERAL AGENCY]'s statement about [SUBJECT] demonstrated that politics had trumped science" ought to be a Word macro."
-Digg

from this article

You know when you find that one song and you can't stop listening to it?...

2006-04-10T02:52:00.000-05:00

That's this song for me.
It's really weird (as in different from the mainstream...as in voice synth acapella) but it's so gorgeous and melodic.
It's called "Hide and Seek" and it's by Imogen Heap (former vocalist of Frou Frou). If you can keep an open mind and appreciate her amazing voice and beautiful melody and poignant lyrics, this a good song for you.

"Hide and Seek"
by Imogen Heap

Where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only
just begun to fall
Crop circles in the carpet
Sinking feeling

Spin me round again
and rub my eyes
this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy

Hide and seek
Trains and sewing machines
All those years
They were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before
the takeover
the sweeping insensitivity
of this
still life

Hide and seek
trains and sewing machines (you won't catch me around here)
Blood and tears
They were here first

mm what d'cha say?
mm that you only meant well, well of course you did
mm what d'cha say?
mm that it's all for the best, of course it is
mm what d'cha say?
hmmm that it's just what we need, you decided this?
ooh what d'cha say?
mmmm what did she say?

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
Mid sweet talk newspaper word cut outs (echo:paper word cut outs)
Speak no feeling no I don't believe you (no I don't believe you)
you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
Mid sweet talk newspaper word cut outs
Have no feeling no I don't believe you
you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit

Hide and Seek

Oh no, You don't care a bit
Oh no, You don't care a bit
Oh no, You don't care a bit
You don't care a bit
You don't care a bit

Update with a survey and my NEW CELL #

2006-04-04T15:52:00.000-05:00

Freshly ganked from Richard's blog:

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. Convergys "entertainment consultant" aka customer service phone-answerer aka DirecTV's bitch
2. Radioshack "merchandiser" aka stockgirl aka Radioshack's bitch
3. Full time student - if that's not a job, I don't know what is
4. Tyler Phillip's housekeeper for a very short time...It was gross, btw; I wouldn't recommend it.

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Lilo and Stitch
2. Moulin Rouge
3. X-Men (original or sequel)
4. Pirates of the Caribbean

Four places you have lived:
1. Norman, OK
2. St. Helens, OR
3. n/a
4. n/a

Four TV shows you love to watch
1. Nip/Tuck
2. almost anything on HGTV
3. Family Guy
4. almost anything on Animal Planet

Four places you have been on vacation
1. Oregon
2. Washington (the state)
3. Padre
4. San Diego, CA

Four Websites I visit daily:
1. woot.com
2. worldofwarcraft.com
3. vgcats.com
4. google.com (yeah, I know, I cheated.)

Four of my favorite foods
1. white chocolate
2. pasta of any kind
3. pizza
4. ice cream
(jeez, no wonder I'm a fatty)

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Tyler's apartment
2. Hawaii
3. Washington state
4. Mexico (the pretty parts - no poor people allowed)
(all of the above would only be cool if cool people were there with me)

NEW CELL PHONE NUMBER: 208-1141
Put it in your phone now so you don't forget to change it!

2006-03-29T17:21:00.000-06:00

At least I know other people are pissed too...

2006-03-27T21:18:00.000-06:00

I fought with a dumbass at work today about the proposal to make undocumented immigrants felons today. And my dumbass boss almost fought with a CUSTOMER about it.
Why do people care if immigrants are here or not? They need our money SO much more than we do.
Admit it, you wouldn't mow your neighbor's lawn for $5 an hour, would you? And even if you would, you'd only spend that $5 on a bag of Doritos or something equally useless. You don't need Doritos. Just open the damn borders and leave all those poor immigrants alone.
To be perfectly honest, I don't know why all this rancor about immigration pisses me off so much. It just seems so hateful to put up more impediments to the advancement of someone's quality of life. And un-American (if that even means what I hope it does anymore - for the record, in my mind, it has nothing to do with the "good book"). If Mexicans want to jump the border and fend for themselves over here, then, dammit, let 'em. There are plenty of jobs to go around, so quit bitching.

I wish I could write something more interesting.

2006-03-22T20:48:00.000-06:00

It's been such a long time since I've posted that I sorta feel obligated to post but I don't really have anything interesting to report.
I started playing WoW...which kinda accounts for the lack of interesting happenings in my life lately since I've been glued to the mouse 'n' keyboard. I'm a lvl 10 gnome warlock...and an herbalist. So that's just about the most exciting news I have.
class...work...sleep...WoW...sitting around at Tyler's apartment...
That's my life. I'll update again eventually.

Spring Break Hottness

2006-03-16T00:46:00.000-06:00

I just got back from Tulsa where I was deprived of my laptop for five whole days, but I had fun nevertheless. I ate the most expensive meal of my life and didn't have to pay for it. Happy birthday to Tyler. <3 Tyler's parents. :-D
My room is a mess. I don't think it's ever been this messy. I need a clothes hamper. That would help. I'll probably clean up after I'm done with this post. Denise isn't here tonight so I can even vacuum and play loud music while I clean despite the late hour.
Money situation should get way better tomorrow. First check from The Shack. W007. My bank account is overdrawn at the moment so it DESPERATELY needed. Then I can buy a hamper too. And food. Food is important.
Plans for the rest of the week:
Tyler's 21st birthday party ... so much fun
writing my PoliSci paper ... so much not fun
work ... so much funds (tehe, that was clever)
grocery shopping for the first time in a long time
cleaning my room ... commencing in 5...4...3...2...1...
That is all.

Whoa. Harry Browne just died. *

2006-03-03T01:13:00.000-06:00

For those of you who are unfamiliar with him, he's a Libertarian icon. He was the Libertarian presidential candidate, like, forty bajillion times in a row.
But he just croaked.
Damn. Kinda weird...to tell you the truth, I had assumed he was a well-disguised machine and, thus, completely immune to death and disease and the like.
I suppose this is a really completely awful time to say this but (swear to Buddha, this is true) I was gonna post about this anyway so...
I'm not Libertarian anymore.
I've been thinking about it, particularly in my "Idea of a Liberal Society" class, and I've realized that I, and nearly every good, kind person I know, naturally feel a strong sense of duty to others. Don't misunderstand me - I still think a whole helluva lot of the welfare collectors out there are free-loading bums, but that doesn't necessarily mean that the ones who really just need a little help deserve to go hungry in the name of self-sufficiency. I think the real problem isn't with giving help, it's with the kind of help we give. People in dire straits don't need money the most. They need help - employment search help, education help, childcare help, substance abuse help, or all of the above. No matter how much money you throw at an unemployed single mom with an 8th grade education and severe depression, she's not going to be able to find her footing without a little direction and compassion.
On the whole, however, I think the government is the wrong route. The government has a role in this help - a very short-term, very conditional monetary assistance during the transition and, most importantly, an assurance of equal opportunity for all. The primary agent(s) to affect change need to be people.

POST TO BE CONTINUED - I'm fuckin' sleepy.

*This post is, most clearly, in the style of Billy. I totally think his semi-random, clever links are genius. Call me a copycat; I like it nonetheless.

Dammit, what's with all these quitters?

2006-02-28T15:18:00.000-06:00

So many people have given up on blogging lately. Sean and Heather are both doing so explicitly. Tyler and Bryce gave up more tacitly.
Dammit, now what the hell am I supposed to read when I need to avoid homework?
Sean's and Heather's complaints about blogging are completely different. Sean's are definitely closer to problems I've had with the delicate art of the post...
I think I've only had to remove one post for being too revealing...well...not revealing actually...just mean. But, seriously, blogging is still really awesome.
I understand and support the decision to end seanbob.blogspot.com and, to a lesser extent, I understand Heather's semi-quitter stance but I'm not quittin'.
So to those of you who are reading this because you need an excuse to not read that stupid textbook that still sitting in your bookbag even though you have a test and two papers due tomorrow...read on, my friend. Read on.

DO IT!

2006-02-27T03:40:00.000-06:00

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Loreli

So much to catch up on...

2006-02-21T23:09:00.000-06:00

Wow...
Okay, so, I'm almost entirely out of money. I think I'm gonna have to get a job. Couple of prospects - Mazzio's call center, stocking at Radioshack, anything I can get that will let me work 10-15 hours a week and not too much on the weekends.

Also, I rear-ended some Asian chick. I was crying (long story) and not paying attention (not unusual) and all of the sudden there was a bumper in front of me. There wasn't any damage that I could see but the lady turned it into insurance anyway so...yeah. It's not really disastrous since it didn't do anything to either car but it was stressful for sure.

Also, I have strep. It's fun to not have to go to class but I'm SO scared about going back next week because I'm going to be SOOOOO behind.

Also, I got a 98% on my first test of the year. Huzzah.

I have so much work to do. Bleh.

2006-02-16T18:20:00.000-06:00

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

My Best Friend

2006-02-15T12:10:00.000-06:00

by Weezer

When everything is wrong I'll come talk to you
You make things alright when I'm feeling blue

You are such a blessing and I wont be messing
With the one thing that brings light to all of my darkness

You're my best friend
and I love you, and I love you
Yes I do

There is no other one who can take your place
I feel happy inside when I see your face
I hope you believe me
Cause I speak sincerely
and I mean it when I tell you that I need you

You're my best friend
and I love you, and I love you
Yes I do

I'm here right beside you
I will never leave you
and I feel the pain you feel when you start crying

You're my best friend
and I love you, and I love you
Yes I do

You're my best friend
and I love you, and I love you
Yes I do

If Brokeback Mountain doesn't win at least five of the eight Oscars it was nominated for, I'm boycotting the Oscars.

2006-02-13T00:26:00.000-06:00

The five I'm betting on are best picture, best screenplay, best supporting actor, best director, and best cinematography. I would LOVE to see Heath Ledger get best actor but critics favor Hoffman, unfortunately, and since I haven't seen Capote, I can't say he doesn't deserve it.

For your reading disgust: A solid example of my ex being a self-absorbed pseudo-intellectual with very serious unresolved issues

2006-02-11T14:48:00.000-06:00

"All of this leads to counterintuitive but potentially valuable conclusions about the absurdity of "love" in its romantic -e.g. not specifically friendly - manifestation. There are ways to survive the idiocy, like accepting a platonic but fruitful relationship with one's chosen long-term partner, with maybe a little obligatory sex or cuddling tossed in to differentiate that with the relationship you have with Lou, the guy from the office who's really into the Phillies and thinks this is the year they win it, so you start a playoff pool with him and go to a sprts bar after work and razz each other about baseball and laugh and get drunk and have a good old time. However, the reliance on love as the final and stone-bound measure of existential crisis resolution is utter bunk. It's self-destructive bullshit. Anyone who still buys this stuff after close inspection deserves to loathe and envy the people who enjoy Valentine's Day, because they will never be better than said people. They are gutter rats among prarie voles, because they concede the point of the V-Dayers, and then proceed to lose by those rules of the game. They are lower than low - they desire self-flagellation but are too weak to even do it to themselves vis a vis someone else with similar premises. They are fooled by the stone-throwing sophists, but can't even muster the strength to pick the stones up off the ground and demonstrate the "knowledge" to others."

Full text.

2006-02-05T11:36:00.000-06:00

This sounds so hateful but...
GOOD.

My cat is cuter than you.

2006-02-01T08:39:00.000-06:00

I just took Ryu to the vet to be neutered and declawed (aka castrated and amputated). I feel soooo guilty. I know it is a necessary evil but my poor little kitty will be in so much pain and he'll be only part of a kitty after the surgery. I hope this doesn't make me a bad kitty-mommy. They just chop right through the bone with something similar to a cigar cutter in that declaw surgery. Poor Ryu. He's going to think mommy dropped him off in Hell.
I hope all of you who make fun of me for spoiling my cat (*cough* TYLER! *cough*) are fully aware that when he gets back, I'm going to be forty billion times more accomodating to my kitten with the sore paws. And you can make fun of me all you want; it just means I'm an empathic, loving caretaker and you're a jerkface! There! I said it!
Poor Ryu.

Another Successful Week

2006-01-27T11:49:00.000-06:00

I'm done with classes for the weekend and I didn't miss any again this week. I'm proud of myself. Yeah, it's only the second week of class but we have to celebrate the small victories, right.
I love my schedule. My least favorite class is Cognitive Psychology and that's my easiest. I love it when it works that way. Maybe it's the optimism of starting a new year and a new semester but I'm feeling really good.
In Creative Nonfiction, we're starting our first draft of our first essay this week. It has to be autobiographical. I think I've decided I'm going to write about the obvious one...but I'm going to do it differently than I've done it before. I'm not going to fill in the details I don't remember in order to make narrative more clear. I think, not only is that a more honest way of representing the event, but it will also help convey the confusion I felt at the time and, to a certain extent, still feel. I'm actually kind of looking forward to it. It will be cathartic and very freeing. LOL I sound like a fucking beatnik. Kill me if it gets worse. The Honors College doesn't need to take my soul.
Anyway, I think I need a nap so that's all.

Well, Damn. Didn't get to that update when I thought I would...

2006-01-25T00:48:00.000-06:00

Feels like forever since I posted.
I dropped Religion and Democracy. I'm in Creative Nonfiction with Rilla Askew instead. That means I no longer have any male professors this semester. hehe Hooray for ladies!
Also, I'm doing yoga regularly now. I wish I had never stopped. It's the only kind of exercise that I don't really mind quite so much. I can't lie: It can be tough and less than awesomely fun sometimes, but by the end of the class, I always feel so good and so proud of myself.
So far I've stayed 100% up to date on my homework and ALL of the readings assigned in class. I haven't missed any classes.
I'm really on track...so far. Now it's just a matter of keeping it up.

Ryu is staying with Tyler and his roomies until Friday b/c my apartment is having inspections 'n' stuff. My apartment feels so lonely. :'( It almost makes me miss the claws in my flesh in the morning to wake me up...almost. (He's getting declawed next Wednesday.)

That's all for now. I'll post again when I get around to it.

First day of class - SPR06 Edition

2006-01-17T23:13:00.000-06:00

I had four classes today. (Ouch, I know.)
Spanish was great (other than being 10 minutes late because of the FUCKING RIDICULOUS parking situation on this goddamn campus). The primary reason it was so great was because it was conducted entirely en espanol. And I understood all of it. There's nothing more satisfying than suddenly realizing that you've come a long, long way from "Me llamo Lori. Me gusta dormir." I needed a little academic affirmation and that certainly did the trick.
After Spanish was Abnormal Psychology which is gonna be soooo awesome. I'm a total dorkface but everybody has that one class that's about EXACTLY what you want to do for the rest of your life - Abnormal Psych is that class for me and I'm so ready to rock Dr. Terry's socks off. She's gonna want to know who the amazing Abnormal Psych prodigy is and if she can get me to work with her in her private practice. (She's also a clinician; is that not the coolest thing ever?)
After Abnormal Psych was "The Idea of a Liberal Society." Today, Dr. Szymanski told us that the class recently underwent a name change to boost enrollment. It used to be "Political Theory 2." The name change definitely worked on me because I would never have enrolled in "Political Theory 2" but "The Idea of a Liberal Society" sounds much sexier. Anyhoo, the teacher is really great - laidback, sense of humor, very open-minded and intelligent. I think with a little paper-revision-type assistance from my poli-sci master roomie, I'll really enjoy the class.
The last class was slightly less thrilling...Religion and Democracy. I thought that since this class was an honors colloquium (implying intelligent discussion) that it would be a thought-provoking give and take about the pros and cons of religion in today's society. I thought SOOOO wrong. It was fucking Sunday School. Here are a few of the "highlights."
* I learned that Abraham was the first Hebrew, Jacob was the first Israelite, and Judah was the first Jew.
* I learned that there are two Ur's - one in present-day Iraq and one nearer to present-day Israel.
* I learned that there are four revisions of the Christian Bible: the Jahwist (J), the Elohist (E), the Deuteronomist (D), and the Priestly (P).
* I learned that (the professor honestly said this) there is a hierarchy of religions that are good for democracy. First is Protestantism. Next is Roman Catholic. Next is Greek Orthodox. Last is Islam. Because Islamic people hate freedom. And the Koran is much worse for freedom than the Bible.
* I learned that everything I say in class is automatically shot down if it hints that a religiously based government isn't the best idea out there.
*Here's the one that killed me...as we were discussing the story of Abraham and Isaac (the dude who was supposed to sacrifice his favorite son to God), the professor felt the need to draw a modern-day analogy to help us grasp the "leap of faith" Abraham was asked to take. He said, "The immorality of this act is something like if there were a woman today who was a regular churchgoer and had trouble getting pregnant. Then she got pregnant. And then (he pauses for dramatic effect) God tells her to have an abortion. (another pause to allow us to absorb the horrific nature of abortion and the immorality inherent)" When I told Tyler that story, he asked me how I kept from laughing out loud. Honestly, I was too shocked. So, in short, I've spent my entire life trying to avoid Sunday School and, at the moment, I'm paying to take a beefed up version from some old English professor who refuses to listen to me. Two words - Fuck. That.
So anyway, the plan tomorrow is to go to Cognitive Psychology and then march over to the honors department and drop Religion and Democracy in favor of Creative Nonfiction. That'll be more useful anyway. Damn you, Oklahomans and your biased babblings.

Anyway, I'll post again tomorrow and probably Thursday as well to let you know about the other classes...as if you really care. That's all for now. I'm exhausted and I'm going to bed.

Cute!

2006-01-10T21:22:00.000-06:00

Me and Ty taught Ryu how to give high fives.

New Year's Resolutions

2006-01-09T02:17:00.000-06:00

1. Get straight A's. My classes are significantly more difficult than they were last semester, but the only reason I've ever gotten any grade lower than an A in a non-math or science class was lack of dedication and pure, simple laziness. I'm not doing that any more. There's no reason for me to throw away opportunities when I'm more than capable of nearly flawless academic performance. I'm ready to redeem myself. The keywords this semester will be organization, focus, and commitment.

2. Communicate needs. Most of my social problems - particularly in romantic relationships - come from my strong tendency to answer every question with "whatever you want to do." Whether it's where to go for dinner or something that affects the course of the relationship more substantially, I've always told other people that I want whatever they want, even when nothing could be further from the truth. I'm going to voice my opinion more often.

3. Exercise regularly. I make a health-related resolution every freakin' year and I never keep it. *sigh* But you know what they say about if at first you don't succeed and all that so...Tyler and I have both resolved to work out four days a week (2 or 3 days at the gym including cardio, 1 day at home). It's a small change but I've gotta take baby steps. If I don't get into a more active lifestyle now, it will be almost completely impossible later in life. And I like longevity and a healthy body and the like.

Making the resolutions is the easy part...here's to keeping them.

2006-01-03T14:31:00.000-06:00

Cameron's blog is quite possibly the saddest thing I've ever read. While I was busy having the BEST New Year's celebration of my life (even being DD is just as fun as being drunk when my best friends and my #1 favorite person are around - plus there's no queasiness), Cameron was...well...not doing so well. He's looking like he's going to die before he's 30 and somehow that makes me feel guilty.
Anyway, on to the update of what's been going on in my life...
The week in Tulsa was tons of fun, just as I thought. We went bowling and to the zoo and played Mario Party and ate out SOOO much. I <3 MOJ.
After Tulsa I was supposed to hang with Sean for about a week. I bailed cuz I'm a wuss and I'm scared of isolation. I didn't feel like I would have had an escape route. That sounds nuts and probably makes sense to no one but me but that's the truth of it. So now Sean's mad and Rodney's mad and I feel really guilty but that's the way I had to do it. I'm just trying not to think about it.
So now, I plan on spending the majority of this week playing video games, getting a headstart on my two reading-intensive classes for the coming semester and then at the end of the week, I'm going back to Tulsa to spend the last weekend of the break with Tyler (and Nate and Heather and Bryce and Bobby).
It's been a good break so far. We'll see if it holds up.

Kitty Pictures!

2005-12-28T18:47:00.000-06:00

Ryu loves to sleep right by the fan on my laptop where the hot air blows out. Particularly when I'm gaming since the computer gets so hot.

Another favorite activity is playing with my contact case in the sink. I have a cute little video of it too.

Badly-needed Update

2005-12-27T01:01:00.000-06:00

Okay...grades are still low but not nearly as bad as I first thought because one of my profs miscalculated for the whole class and recorded my grade about 2 letter grades lower than it rightly should have been. Aside from the minor aneurysm, no harm done...I knew it didn't look right.
Also, Christmas haul was good:
Angelina Jolie poster and the opportunity to attempt to keep a potted plant alive from the roomie
a really amazing fuzzy down blanket, memory foam pillows, some cash and a jumpdrive from the gramma
a nice belt, earrings and seat covers for my car from my lil bro
a gorgeous silver bracelet from the bf
a new pair of black Chucks from the bf's parents
lots of bath (lotions, bodywash, etc) from the people who have no idea what else to get me
cash from various far away relatives

...I think that's it.

Ryu is getting really big. I <3 him. Such a good choice.

I'm in Tulsa with Tyler havin' a blast, as usual. I'll update later.

2005-12-23T03:52:00.000-06:00

It's sad that my post has to be like this but I need a place to put all my thoughts. I made the lowest GPA of my entire life this last semester. I knew it would be low but it was still a shock. I'm too ashamed to even tell anyone what I got. After seeing those grades, it was like all my insecurities (and there are definitely quite a few of them) came roaring to the surface. I've cried and thought about it and cried some more and tried to figure out what I need to do and cried some more. I've come up with three main conclusions.
The first is really obvious - if I want to be okay with myself and if I want to go anywhere academically/professionally, I have to do much better next semester. Not much better like the semester before last but much better like in highschool. Straight As. Maybe one B if one of my classes is really tough. Lori is not a slacker. I'm finding it very, very difficult to keep a solid grip on my sense of self when my academic performance looks like it does right now
...Which brings us to our next conclusion: my academic excellence has become a way of masking my very deepset self esteem issues. My sweet boyfriend is, I think, the only person who has really seen how deep that rabbit hole goes and even the sobbing, unsure Lori he saw had her grades to reassure her that she was good at at least one thing.
The third conclusion is sorta part of the second. I think I've discovered my greatest fear and I'm facing it right now. I don't want to be like other people. If it makes me selfish, self-absorbed, arrogant, whatever...I don't care...I just want to stand out in some way. I want to be prettier or thinner or smarter or better at cooking or SOMETHING to keep me from just being that girl who's just like the rest. I can shove all the rest of my inadequacies under the rug if I have one thing to hold on to but I don't have that anymore.
I'm sick of thinking about this. It's just upsetting me.

my xmas wish list

2005-12-18T13:50:00.000-06:00

Stuff I Want You to Buy Me:

t-shirts (if it reminds you of me, I'll probably love it - example example

For those of you who know what I'm talking about, I want more of those awesome fuzzy beige pants that I wear all the time b/c they're so frickin' comfy. A black pair would be nice, perhaps. Or baby blue.

belly jewelry

UPDATE 12/18/2005

Family Guy Season Four DVDs
seat covers for my car (beige please)
laptop carrying case
pet carrier for Ryu
Myst or one of it's many sequels
navigation system such as TomTom (they're freakin' expensive)
13" color TV

Kitty!

2005-12-04T20:58:00.000-06:00

Cutest little guy you've ever seen! I bought a 10 week old kitten a few days ago. I know you're all shocked but I've figured it all out and I SO glad I did it. He's great. Oh! And the name is Ryu. After the Ninja Gaiden guy.

Thank you.

2005-12-04T17:27:00.000-06:00

"Everything"
by Lifehouse

Find me here
Speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want you're all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

A Little Thanksgiving and a Lot of PUPPY!!!!

2005-11-28T13:44:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving was fun. The break was too short, of course. Going back to classes today was difficult.

This is completely unrelated to Thanksgiving but I need the advice of you, my avid readers. I've been thinking about/obsessing over the idea of having a puppy. I would dare to say that I NEED a puppy. I need a puppy more than you can even understand. The only thing standing in my way is my apartment lease. There's a $100 fine for the first pet offense and $200 for each offense after the first. I'm trying to decide if I should continue to wait in this hellish anticipation for another semester plus summer's worth of time or if, maybe, I should just fuck 'em and get a puppy anyway. I could sorta hide it. Sorta. Maybe. I'm taking input. Please comment!

The Big Important Announcement!

2005-11-23T23:10:00.000-06:00

My 21st birthday party! Woo-hoo!
It will be Saturday, Dec 10th (that's the Saturday before finals) starting around 10ish going until whenever. It will be at my apartment. You're all invited! Huzzah!
If you're on facebook and you're cool, you probably got an invite there and you should RSVP to that, please.
Everyone should bring alcohol or a birthday gift for me or both.
My real bday is on Dec 12th which is the first day of finals. I thought the Saturday before would be a more popular party day. :-p Anyhoo, you should all come and have fun with me! Please!

The "What Do You Want For Christmas" discussion with the BF

2005-11-23T20:44:00.000-06:00

OkiiHebi: yea.... i bought a puppy.... and uh......
OkiiHebi: well.... things happened
OkiiHebi: but I still have the foil
OkiiHebi: merry xmas

My Life Is Good...but sooo dull right now.

2005-11-22T17:53:00.000-06:00

Everyone went out of town for Thanksgiving and I'm left sitting in an empty apartment updating my blog. *sigh*
I'm going to talk about stuff I'm doing and stuff I plan on doing so the time will pass more quickly.
I'm starting my crazy diet again. Me and Tyler are dieting together. I bet I'll last longer than him. I'd put money on it. Anyway, I'm doing it so we'll both have a diet buddy and because I've gained back all but 5 of the 21 pounds I lost the last time I did this thing. And that makes me sad. So it's grilled chicken and oatmeal for me for a long, long time. *sigh again* Oh well. I'll be pretty in the end.
Other things I'm doing...
ummm...I enrolled for next semester. That's exciting. Because it means this semester is almost over. :-D I'm taking Religion and Democracy (yes, I AM only taking that class so I can think about how awful religion is for society; if you have a problem with that, take the class and argue against me). I'm also taking Idea of a Liberal Society (rights-based political philosophy, yum!), Cognitive Psychology, Spanish 4 and (drumroll please) the class I've wanted to take since I started college - Abnormal Psychology. I'm really excited about that one. For real.
I have to do a degree check to be 100% sure but I might actually be able to graduate next spring with a BS in psych, a minor in Spanish and all my premed credits. That would be exciting...and really, really scary. I know I want to go on to med school and be a psychiatrist but, oh man, I don't even want to go into all the insecurities that thought brings up. I'm sure I'll post about it some other day.

I'm out of stuff to talk about. I'm sure I'll post fourteen thousand more times before the weekend is over because I'm sooo bored but for now, that is all.

A Much More Cheerful Post

2005-11-21T13:36:00.000-06:00

Huzzah! Thanksgiving is upon us!
The film and video studies paper got a surprise deadline extension. (My end result was a little short but it's done now and that's all that matters.)
My boyfriend is still being way awesome.
I'm still trying to figure out the best option for living situation next year. I've got weird priorities - puppy (#1 of course), not Cox internet or cable, private bathroom... I'm thinking either rent a house or live at the Greens with their (as Ty attests) slow-as-hell internet. I'm trying to figure out what's cheaper. I'll keep you updated.

Another Concert I HAVE to go to...

2005-11-20T21:07:00.000-06:00

Come with me!

2005-11-20T19:24:00.000-06:00

"If you stand on a tuna can in Lubbock, Texas you can see for 250 miles. If you stand on the goal line, apparently you can't see anything."
Sportscenter 11/19/05

Frustration and Icky Feelings Abound

2005-11-17T01:32:00.000-06:00

I fucking hate film and video studies. I'm on page 6 of a required 8 of a so-called research paper. I went in TOTALLY the wrong direction and I'm just realizing this. Too late to start over now. I'll take the huge hit to my grade (I'm thinking a solid D for the first time on a paper EVER and it's 20% of my grade) and cry about it later. Or maybe now, who knows. I'm very sick and very sleepy and my room is perpetually freezing. I want the weekend to be here NOW.
Tonight, I feel profoundly depressed.
I do, however, feel the need to say that my boyfriend has really been outdoing himself lately. The past few nights, he's been soooo sweet and it makes all the difference in the world. Tyler, you're the bestest! Thanks a billion. :-p (Everyone else, please vomit at my sickening display of affection quietly and in the opposite direction from my car. :-p)

The Long-Awaited and Slightly Disappointing Halloween Post #2

2005-11-15T01:41:00.000-06:00

Here's the trick-or-treat gang. It was fun but much too cold for me and Tink/Jessica since our costumes weren't intended for October weather. We started rather late and got a pretty sad candy haul but I enjoyed my first trick-or-treat. Next year, I'll pick a more comfortable costume.

2005-11-10T09:34:00.000-06:00

Things I Hate More Than Anything Else in the World:

*being disapproved of
*being reprimanded
*being disliked
*being sent away with my tail between my legs
*crying and feeling like I can't stop
*wanting my boyfriend and not being able to talk to him

Things I've Done Today:

*been disapproved of
*been reprimanded
*been disliked
*been sent away with my tail between my legs
*cried and felt like I couldn't stop
*wanted my boyfriend when I couldn't talk to him

Some days I just need someone to hold me and pat me on the back silently. That's today. God, I hate being female and so fucking weak-minded and sensitive to the criticism of others.

Books are fun!

2005-11-09T16:18:00.000-06:00

I finished reading Ender's Game today. It's books like that that make me want to drop everything and write. It was a masterpiece with everything that great books need - deep characters that the reader can relate to, thick and thrilling plot, and an important, thought-provoking message. The book was so good, in fact, that I can't really figure out what part of it I want to sit and think about right now. It was all so freakin' awesome. It's absolutely the best I've read in years. I honestly think this is a book that has quite possibly changed my life. I don't know yet since my post-Ender's Game life just started but we'll see...
I think the message is what I'm gonna think about first, so...considering how much effort everyone in the world puts into trying to manipulate other people, and considering how easy it is for a person to be drastically affected by his/her circumstances, how much do we really control our own lives? Valentine has a fabulous line toward the end of the book: "Welcome to the human race. Nobody controls his own life, Ender. The best you can do is choose to fill the roles given you by good people, by people who love you." This is one big question from the book that I've had a lot of trouble answering. The rebellious little Libertarian in me balks at the idea that I can't control my own life...but as I think about it, that's not exactly what O.S. Card is trying to get across either. I'll come back to what I believe is the conclusion to that question in a little bit.
[WARNING: Spoilers ahead! If you haven't read it, stop. Go read it RIGHT FUCKING NOW and come back to me tomorrow after you've finished.]
Clearly there's strong symbolism that we have to take into account when answering any of the big questions the book raises...Valentine is love, compassion, the desire to create. Peter is hate, hunger for power, and destruction. Ender is human perseverance, a flawless blend of the necessary evils in Peter and the beautiful humanity in Valentine plus that extra bit of human mojo that comes from the two natural opposites - love/hate, death/life, creation/destruction - existing in the same mind and fighting each other. A huge and helpful hint of what the book is really about comes from my favorite parts - the Fantasy Game. The wolf-children, the mirror, the playground, and the dwarf village all represent different obstacles for Ender (humanity) to overcome. Most important are the two big problems that stumped him for so long - the giant and the snake. I think the giant represents external obstacles, particularly authority, control from others, and the like. Ender had to defeat the giant with violence. He stared him in the face and took him down with force. In order to survive in the real world, humanity needs the killer instinct. Of course, then Ender hated himself for what he'd done to the giant. The snake and the room at the End of the World were the logic effect. The snake is internal strife. Here comes one of the big messages of the book - we are, by our very nature, hugely self-contradictory, nonsensical, nasty and beautiful beings. When we gain the maturity to start recognizing our shortcomings, it's very easy to try and fight them. We want to fight ourselves in the same way that we fight outside obstacles. Ender first tried to kill the snake in every gruesome way possible. In the end, it was love that won the battle. When you learn to love yourself, you can move on.
So what about controlling your own life? Is it possible? In the end, I agree with Valentine. Everyone we meet is going to ask us to fit neatly into their dreams. We ask the people we meet to fit the roles we want them to fit in order to help us become who we want to be. And many times, people choose to acquiesce to this mental push and shove. That's okay. The only thing that's wrong is acquiescing without questioning and UNDERSTANDING. Ender's greatest regret was killing the Bugs when he didn't fully understand them. Once he knew what they were, he saw their flaws and he knew why those flaws were there and knew that having those flaws was okay and he saw the beauty of the Bugs and celebrated it. Once Ender understood everything he could, he made a choice he was happy with and filled a role that fit him as Speaker for the Dead. He even undid his wrongs and, thus, understood himself better - he wasn't really like Peter; he just hadn't understood the Bugs. In the end, it's a happy ending when the reader understands all the characters. It's all about understanding, acceptance, for both the self and others, and perseverance in the name of truth and love for each other. Ender always fought in honor of Valentine.
We do control our own lives in that we control our search for truth. As long as we are constantly trying to balance our urge to fight ourselves and others with our need to understand both, as long as we don't allow one side to control our values entirely, and most importantly, as long as we seek truth and understanding of everything we encounter, we'll be just fine. It's in the balance that people show themselves.

*sigh* So now, after a really strange and fulfilling day, I'm going to eat dinner and go to my night class and then buy my own copy of Ender's Game so I can return Sean's and then I'll go hang out with my boyfriend. I'm getting those Halloween pictures all uploaded and stuff later this week so the long-awaited 2nd Halloween post is coming very soon to a blog near you. Have a fabulous day...and for Christ's sake, go read Ender's Game right now!

BOO!

2005-10-30T18:35:00.000-06:00

This is my first of what will likely be two Halloween updates. I went to a Halloween party last night. It was a little bit of fun. Not a lot though. And the only hard liquor they had was tequila. Ouch. Needless to say, I was a bit sick to my stomach that evening. Me and tequila like to fight each other. I just want to be Jose's friend but he hates me. I think he's jealous of my boyfriend.
Costume rundown:
Tyler - a dark warrior sorta thing
Bryce - a demon with lots of piercings and a big ass battle axe
Bobby - Ceasar...until he realized that his toga material was too small...then he was a gladiator...then his armor was too uncomfortable and he was too drunk to carry his sword and Ceasar-hat then he was the last bit of TP on the roll
Heather - a reclusive elf
Andy - a pirate...a gay pirate, no matter what he tells you
Lori - Dominatrix, and unfortunately too sleepy and sick to my stomach to really reap the rewards later...maybe tomorrow
PICTURES TO COME - W007!

Plans for tomorrow:
Trick-or-treating for the first time ever. I'm actually kinda scared about it. I don't think I wanna go. All the candy-givers will think I'm crazy. But Tyler insists I'll have fun. We'll see. I'll try anything once.

A General Post

2005-10-27T00:21:00.000-05:00

I got gas for $2 a gallon today. W007.
(Does that count as a whole post? The rest is too bad-mood-inducing to really discuss right now.)

A Post Specifically to Sean (so that he can ask me later and I can talk to somebody about it)

2005-10-27T00:19:00.000-05:00

I totally wimped out. It was too scary. :(

My Weekend

2005-10-23T15:51:00.000-05:00

I have done nothing but sleep this weekend. Is that not the coolest thing ever?
Yesterday, I spent a grand total of about 6 hours awake. Then I slept until 1PM today. Now I'm making brownies for my boyfriend cuz he comes home from Tulsa tonight. And then I'm gonna go tanning. Then I'm gonna do a teeny bit of homework to get ahead for this week. Then I'm gonna hang out with Tyler.
That is all.
I just thought you all should know.

I r0xx0r.

2005-10-20T15:25:00.000-05:00

I made the highest grade in the class on my film and video studies midterm. 98%. I missed ONE question. One.
Suck it, Mr. Stupid TA.
Dev. Psych grade is up substantially since I rocked that test too.
FVS grade is up substantially.
Research Methods is still to be determined but I'm very confident that I'm going to demolish my test today and the paper that's due tomorrow.
The real non-slacker Lori is back in business. Kickin' ass and takin' names.
Told you so.
:-D

How You Know Things are Crazy in Lori-Land

2005-10-18T14:03:00.000-05:00

You can always tell when normal blog-lover's lives are getting really hectic because they stop updating. I, however, am exactly the opposite. I need my blog more when I'm busy because it's relaxing and I update more frequently because it's a great way to proscrastinate.
So, this is me proscrastinating. I've been working on a programming project for the last 14 hours and all but 4 of those hours were direct, finger-to-the-keyboard work. I slept for one hour last night. I have a test on Thursday that I haven't started studying for and a paper due on Friday that I haven't started writing. I also have a film essay due on Thursday. And a Spanish quiz tomorrow. And I have a good chunk of this programming project left to do. Damn. When I write it all out like that, it's pretty depressing. This weekend will be so amazing whenever it decides to get here.
For now, that's all the procrastination I can really afford. I'll have to do more tomorrow.

Teeny Post

2005-10-17T23:46:00.000-05:00

I just thought I'd throw in a little post before I hit the programming project hard...okay, so maybe I'm just procrastinating a little more...shut up.
Anyway, it's been a surprisingly good day. If I hadn't let myself get so far behind, it probably would have been a better one but I really have some super awesome friends and a super awesome boyfriend.
Things I need to do:

Not-so-fun category -
* programming project
* research methods paper
* study for research methods test
* clean my room
* find a new pair of jeans and some dress clothes

Fun category -
* take my awesome boyfriend out on that dinner I owe him from Dallas
* hang out with Billy cuz I haven't seen him in a while
* call Doug (does this go in the other category? I don't know. It's totally up to how weird he wants to make the conversation. I can be an adult. Can he?)
* buy cute boots to go with my hot 'n' sexy halloween costume

Days like today may be long and a lot of work but they do remind me that it'll all be worth it in the end and a whole bunch of it is worth it right freakin' now. :-p

"Love Soon"

2005-10-16T16:29:00.000-05:00

by John Mayer
(I was gonna just have it play in the background when people view my blog but that can get annoying to some and I can't figure out how to get it to work right anyway...so here are the non-music-ified lyrics. It feels so much more dry and dull this way. *sigh*)

I know you've been sworn
I read your complaint
you're needing someone older

and though i've been warned
to live day by day
there's something taken over

did you expect to kiss me one time
while lookin at me with the same eyes ever again

so come on and face it
so come on and face it
it's time that we say it

you can cross the line whenever you want to
i'm calling it love soon
close your mind and waste some time if you have to
i'm calling it love soon
it's not about you now, it's what we are

your mother complains that you need a man
you haven't mentioned me yet
and all of your friends
don't know who i am
i've been your best kept secret

i understand i wasn't part of the plan
a dollar short, a minute early
but i am your man
so come on and face it
so come on and face it

it's time that we say it
you can cross the line whenever you want to
i'm calling it love soon
close your mind and waste some time if you have to
i'm calling it love soon
it's not about you now, it's what we are

let's bypass the bullshit
and move on because the minute hand moves faster than you think it does
and by no fault of yours, and by no fault of mine
the bottom line is laying in the bed that we've been playing in tonight
we've been playing in tonight

i'm calling it love soon
i'm calling it love soon
you can cross the line whenever you want to
i'm calling it love soon
close your mind and waste some time if you have to
i'm calling it love soon
it's not about you now, it's what we are

My New Theme Song

2005-10-15T18:30:00.000-05:00

I went shopping for new jeans today. Or I tried anyway. The thing is, I'm short and fat and jeans just aren't made for girls like me. So I got frustrated and I gave up. And then I got really depressed and started doing that thing all girls do when they're depressed...I wallowed. I started thinking of all the things that are wrong with me and I called myself a failure about 50 million times and cried and cried and cried.
Tyler (who told me today that I'm "easier to read than Goosebumps") noticed my mopiness and talked me through it and I've come to a few conclusions. I really, really hope it works this time. I've started little self-improvement campaigns so many times in my life and failed at all but two. One of them was a 6 week diet when I lost 21 very noticeable pounds and looked amazing and felt amazing for the first time in my entire life. The other was my independence from Cameron...the third time I tried, it worked and it REALLY worked. My entire life outlook changed with that one.
Anyway, this time, I want to find self-empowerment. I'm tired of feeling helpless all the time. I want to be able to identify something I don't like about my own behavior and stop it. Most people (particularly my well-meaning boyfriend) don't really get it when I say that I really feel like I can't control my own behavior, I'm not making it up. I overspend. I overeat. I skip classes way too often. I ignore important commitments. I just do things without feeling like I can stop myself. I want to stop that. I will prove to myself once more that I am perfectly capable of changing my own life. Because if I can't do it, nobody can. And I want it changed so I gots to do it.

I'm dieting.
I'm exercising.
I'm going to be responsible with money.
I'm going to focus on school the way I should.

I just downloaded the new OK Go album and, as always, I love their stuff. The best one on the album so far (I haven't even really had it long enough to listen to all the songs) is called "Invincible." That's my new theme song. I've included a little taste for you down at the bottom of the post. The lyrics are goofy since that's the way OK Go rolls but that's why I love 'em. I'm invincible.

"Invincible"
By OK Go

When they finally come to destroy the earth
they’ll have to go through you first,
and I bet they wont be expecting that
When they finally come to destroy the earth
they’ll have to deal with you first
And my money says they won’t know about
the 1000-Fahrenheit hot metal lights behind your eyes

Invincible oh oh oh

That crushing crashing atom smashing white hot things it's invincible

When they finally come
what will you do to them?
Gonna decimate like you did to me?
Will you leave them stunned and stuttering

When they finally come out will you handle them,
will you devastate them deliberately
Cause im gonna guess they wont be prepared
for the 1000 Fahrenheit hot metal lights behind your eyes.

Invincible oh oh oh
So please use your powers for good.
Please use your powers for good.

Invincible oh oh oh

Woo! Unplanned roadtrips!

2005-10-09T15:46:00.000-05:00

So I decided about 20 minutes before hopping in the car and driving out of town that Dallas would be fun, so I went.
Tyler and Bobby (aka B-Nasty) and Bryce all invited me to join them in their little trip down to Dallas where Bryce's uncle Alan (sp?) has a 61" TV and a big sports bike that Tyler nearly splooged himself over. And Alan really likes to eat meat. Breakfast yesterday was sausage and bacon. Lunch was bratwurst, spicy sausage, and steak with a salad option for me and Rocio (Alan's wife).
It was a very fun weekend. We saw Waiting, which was super funny (be warned, you get an eyeful of both Luis Guzman's balls and Alanna Ubach's power muff...shudder...it had stuff in it...) We watched our team get spanked. We went to the Texas State Fair where the guys spent the majority of the time at the auto show sitting in the Viper. Bobby won me a little stuffed animal by playing pool like a pro. It's a little puppy that I've named Galactor, Destroyer of Worlds. Bryce won a really big soccer ball. It's huge. It was really annoying on the ride home...not so much because it was big (I got shotgun cuz I'm the girlfriend) but because Bobby kept fucking drumming on it along to the music.
Anyhoo, it was fun.
Upcoming fun events:
Halloween - Tyler has promised to take me and Bobby trick-or-treating because we were both way over-protected and have never done that before. After that we're all getting wicked trashed. And my costume is really hot.
BB concert - Nov. 8th So excited.

I need to do unplanned-road-trip-like things more often

Wow. Six months? Cool.

2005-10-02T22:23:00.000-05:00

Congrats to me and Tyler. It sure doesn't feel like six months.
Anyway, six months ago, I (a total computer retard at this point) tried to get Ty Phillips to help me put together a little Java program in response to an absolutely adorable program Tyler threw together on his Xanga. Ty and I combined our programming n00b-iness into a world record of crap and the program made absolutely no sense. This is a correction and (vast) expansion of that program. This time, it's all me. How convenient! I just learned "if" blocks. :-p (Just as before, the weird spaces aren't because I'm a bad programmer - in fact, I'm pretty good for my little beginner's class - it's just because blogger likes to make things inside pointy braces disappear for no fucking reason.)
I am still really n00b-tastic so forgive the awkwardness. Also, I only know C (not C++ or Java) so it'll be a little weird.
This program will compile and run as long as you remove the spaces in unnecessary places in the preprocessor directive. Try it. I dare ya...especially Tyler. :-p

#include < stdio.h >

int main ()
{
float guy_awesomeness_level;
/* awesomeness level is on scale of 1 to 100 */
float number_of_shots_drank;
float gutsiness_level;
float number_of_days_before_first_date;
float interesting_stuff_happening;
const float tyler_awesomeness_level = 101;
float lori_happiness_level;
float tyler_happiness_level;

guy_awesomeness_level = tyler_awesomeness_level;
printf ("Number of shots drank at PC slumber party?\n");
scanf ("%f", &number_of_shots_drank);
printf ("Lori's happiness level before Tyler?\n");
/*all happiness levels on a scale of 1 to 100*/
scanf ("%f", &lori_happiness_level);
printf ("Lori's base gutsiness level?\n");
scanf ("%f", &gutsiness_level);

if ((number_of_shots_drank > 7)&&(guy_awesomeness_level > 95)) {
gutsiness_level = gutsiness_level + 400;
number_of_days_before_first_date = 10;
interesting_stuff_happening = 1;
}
if ((guy_awesomeness_level > 100)&&(interesting_stuff_happening != 0)) {
lori_happiness_level = lori_happiness_level + 50;
printf ("Tyler's happiness level now?\n");
scanf ("%f", &tyler_happiness_level);
}
if (tyler_happiness_level >= lori_happiness_level) {
printf ("Tyler, you're amazing. Thanks for a great six months.\n");
}
}

Quotes...Chris and Adam are under the influence of...stuff

2005-09-29T23:03:00.000-05:00

"You know how when you close your eyes you usually see those dots and lights and stuff. My image in my eyes right now is that I'm driving the Millenium Falcon. We're doing fucking donuts in the nebulae."
~Chris

"I feel like we ordered the muffins and I'm waiting for someone to knock on the door. Then I remembered that one girl made them."
~Chris

"A penis is not a person. A girl just looking at it...you can't really judge it. Except by the size."
~Adam

"Why would you look like an Egyptian? Wait! I see it!"
~Adam

"Why do you trust a raisin?"
~Chris

"Come for the dumplings. Stay for the chicken. And I've got some pants you're really gonna want to see."
~Chris

"That's got to be Nathan. It's been ten seconds."
~Chris

Just a plain ol' update

2005-09-28T22:13:00.000-05:00

Today was interesting.
I went to three of my four classes and the one I didn't attend was a film screening, so I rented the movie and watched it in the comfort of my own home while baking scrumptious cupcakes. That's how I get people to like me - baked goods.
My other classes pretty much sucked. I've been absolutely exhausted all day long. I didn't get nearly enough sleep last night.
Now I'm enjoying the best movie in the world, Lilo and Stitch, and waiting for my boyfriend to call me back so I can give him his share of cupcake-y goodness and waiting for my prof to email me back with the prompt for the paper over the movie. At least it's a little bit of time to relax.

Live for This

2005-09-26T13:41:00.000-05:00

by Lit
in honor of my awesome friends - in particular Sean, Ty, and Billy who are always there when I need them

I've been fallin' apart at the seams
But it's not as it seems
Broken pieces around at my feet
That I dance on
In my darkest day
In my darkest day I can find you
We've come all this way
And I'm still runnin' after it
Yeah

I, I, live for this
I, I, I'd trade it for nothin'

I've been waiting for someone like you
To be waiting for me
This is more than I ever dreamed
And I dream on
I wish I could stay
I wish I could stay
Right beside you
We've come all this way
And I'm still lookin' after you

I, I, live for this
I, I, I'd trade it for nothin'

In my darkest day
In my darkest day
I can find you
We've come all this way
And I'm still runnin' after it
Yeah

I, I, live for this I, I...

I'd trade it for nothin

In response to the Pro-ID comment...

2005-09-23T17:14:00.000-05:00

Please note #25.
Please also note that the author of the article in the previous comment lacks an understanding of the most basic science:

Error #1: The author doesn't understand the Big Bang.
From the section titled "Thermodynamics"
Evolutionists have never made any claim that the universe has no beginning and no end. The Big Bang stands firmly with four strong points of objective evidence in its favor: Hubble's Law expansion, cosmic microwave background radiation (which I personally had the chance to observe in my electromag lab last year), an abundance of primordial elements, and galactic evolution and distribution.

Error #2: The author is frustratingly unwilling to consider the changes in human population growth.
"If one assumes the principle of uniformitarianism, then due to the present rate at which the population of mankind increases, the start of the present population would take one back 4,300 years to the traditional date for the flood"

Puh-lease. You're assuming the current growth rate? With modern medicine, modern technology, an abundance of food and shelter, communication, travel, unprecedently high life expectancies in most countries...If you don't see the error in that, you're naive and pig-headed.

Error #3: Barry Setterfield
Wikipedia explains why the c-decay stuff is nonsense: "Thus, the conjecture of c-decay is flatly contradicted by any number of empirical observations. This alone would be grounds for rejecting the conjecture; the fact that Setterfield's conclusions depend on the use of invalid methodology to manipulate artificially-selected data is merely icing on the cake, figuratively speaking."

*Not an error but certainly note-worthy: There is no evidence that there is anything wrong with the theory of uniformitarianism.*

Error #4: Honk if you understand punctuated equilibrium!
Sure, we haven't found any missing links, but I've never found Jesus. So there.
Furthermore, as Wikipedia so aptly puts it: "The missing link is a popular and not a scientific concept. Scientists studying the fossil record have long known that not every species that lived was 'lucky' enough to leave behind a fossil. More importantly, populations are constantly changing and species are statistical constructs and not ideal-types; therefore, there is not scientific meaning to the notion of a 'transitional form.'"
Also, just because it's unexplained doesn't mean it unexplainable. This is a common misconception of the intelligent design/creation "science" crowd that I'm sure I'll touch on again a bit later.
The author seems to be a little frustrated by the idea of punctuated equilibrium: "It appears that Punctuated Equilibrium is an attempt to explain away the absence of evidence for evolution—but it fails as well." Wanna give us a reason, champ? Or are you just gonna throw some unwarranted claims out there and run away like a little girl? Run like a pussy, huh? That's what I thought.

Error #5: More lack of research.
I'll let the glorious internet do my talking about polystrate fossils, which are really pretty cool little anomalies but are easily explained.

Error #6: Out-of-sequence fossils aren't a tricky problem either.

Error #7: Flood geology is a bunch of hokey. No self-respecting geologist would really believe it.

Error #8: "Some recent dinosaur sightings are well-documented." Uh-huh. Recent alien abductions and Bigfoot sightings are just as well-documented. That doesn't make them real.

Error #9: Biology bozo
"Evolutionists need a mechanism that explains how evolution has supposedly occurred. Many evolutionists believe that mutation is this mechanism. However, as was mentioned in the last chapter, mutations merely scramble the already existing genetic code. No new genetic information is added...there is no mechanism in the present that spontaneously produces new genetic information. Until such a mechanism is found, evolution can only be accepted by "blind faith.""
That just isn't true. Read a bio textbook, please. In fact, fuck that. Just a plain old English dictionary would be fine...from dictionary.com: mutation (n) - A change of the DNA sequence within a gene or chromosome of an organism resulting in the creation of a new character or trait not found in the parental type.

The dumbass who wrote this article doesn't understand even the most basic concepts of biology and genetics. If you don't understand it, just stay the fuck out.

Error #10: That author is a dumbass. So much so that I'm angry just reading the bullshit that he spewed onto the page/screen/whatever.
"Evolution needs God, but God does not need evolution. If evolution is true, then God is needed to bring the universe into existence from nothing, to bring life from non-life, and complex life forms from simple life forms. In each case, a miraculous superseding of natural laws is needed. However, if God exists, He doesn't need evolution. He could have either started the long evolutionary process or He could have created the universe in six literal days. God could have used evolution, but if He did, He covered His tracks. He left no evidence. Since God is not the author of deception, it is reasonable to conclude that evolution is a myth, devoid of any scientific evidence."
There are SO many unsubstantiated claims there and SO many logical fallacies...Holy shit.

I, a lowly college student with a basic understanding of science can google this stuff in a little under an hour and understand about 85% of it. It's objective. It's observable. It's empirical. Creationism JUST DOESN'T HAVE A LEG TO STAND ON. Sorry.

In short, Henry M. Morris (who is apparently the only "scientist" the author of that outrageous article has ever taken the time to familiarize him/herself with) can go fuck himself.

I'm fucking fed up with people trying to tear down science simply because they aren't comfortable enough with themselves or their faith to deal with the fact that evolution is a VERY strong and viable pillar of scientific knowledge. There IS evidence for evolution. Lots of it. If you deny that, you're lying to yourself. Sure, evolution is just a theory...but so is gravity. Evolution happened. Humans and apes shared a common ancestor. There is no magic Jesus wand to make life happen. Deal with it and move the fuck on. You can believe in God if you have to. I don't care. Just keep your filthy science-hating hands OFF of my PURSUIT OF TRUTH. Science is beautiful and objective and if you think that I'll let your faith get in the way of my children being taught correctly, you're so wrong.

I'm so frustrated right now.
It's just not fair that your guiding philosophy is protected and mine's not. My "religion" is objectivity and scientific reasoning and just because Christianity consists of faith and Bibles instead of evidence and logic, I have to be the one on the defensive. Religion doesn't belong in a scientific setting. You can keep all the Jesus you want. Just keep him in your church and leave evolution and genetics to the people who know what they're talking about. Like the Steves.

Come with me!

2005-09-21T10:40:00.000-05:00

Sean and I bought our tickets to the Breaking Benjamin concert yesterday. If you're a cool person who wants to come with us, go get some tickets! It's general admission but it'll probably sell out quickly so don't wait around. I want lots of good friends at this concert with me. That's an order!

HOLY SHIT I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED!

2005-09-19T18:09:00.000-05:00

Sean found a funny thingy!

2005-09-19T17:53:00.000-05:00

"The riducule of FSMism by believers in ID is a beautifully ironic hypocracy. It is a classic case of faith-blindness and the worst of intellectual behaviour that can be observed in religion. In this instance the believers in ID run roughshod over the believers in FSMism by claiming their 'Faith' is correct and decrying the FSM 'Faith' as wrong. It is not possible to scientifically qualify 'Faith' and thus a comparison of 'Faith' in this fashion is meaningless and offensive. If no evidence can be provided to support either then both are equally valid or invalid, regardless of how angry or indignant the supporters may be. "
--Andy Parsons, Ph.D.

I'm just gonna say it. Intelligent design is stupid. Please, hate me if you feel the need.

Soul-searching (Although I don't believe in souls)

2005-09-19T01:12:00.000-05:00

This is a post I've been developing for a while. It covers a lot of ground. If you get bored, that's okay. It's more for my benefit than for yours anyway. It's definitely a glimpse into Lori but I won't be offended if you don't read it. However, if I ever post about a Halo accomplishment and you skip over that, I'll cry myself to sleep.

I was sitting in Developmental Psychology the other day, trying to not listen because my professor is really fucking boring, then all of the sudden she said something that stimulated my brain-thing. She started talking about genetic-environmental correlation. Basically, it's the idea that nature and nurture cannot be separated. Studying them separately is a waste of time because they are so intertwined. Genetic predispositions affect the environment and the environment can overpower and change predispositions.
So, as I usually do in psych classes, I started thinking about how the principle applies to my life (things are much more interesting and memorable when they're all about me - that's a psych principle called self-referential mnemony). So what forms ME. When I make decisions, who do I answer to? What has been my progression through different decision-making rubricks in different phases of my life? What is at my core?
The answers I came up with are as follows: First, there are three layers of me. In the center is the core self. The middle layer is my loved ones - family, friends, and others. On the outside are my personal desires and impulses. My decisions have to answer to these layers. The trouble is balancing them.
The core self has two primary influences. One influence is my experiences. This includes EVERYTHING. From Cameron good to Cameron bad to my mom and my asshold stepdad to video games and TV and my second grade teacher and my kitty from when I was little. The second part is the personal oomph. I don't really know exactly what it is but it's that certain something that keeps me from becoming a victim of my sometimes overwhelming circumstances.
When I make a decision, I have to answer to one or more of these layers of myself. In the past couple of years I've gone through a few phases relating to how I make decisions. When I was with Cameron, I answered only to what he wanted. I wanted so desperately to fulfill someone's expectations fully that I was willing to do just about anything for his approval. After Cameron came a few months of the Crazy Lori phase. That's where Lori's impulsive and selfish alter ego, Clementine reared her ugly head. (See previous blogs for more information on Clem.) In the crazy phase, I would heed every call from my impulse. If someone else wanted something, I usually got around to it in a roundabout way that cheated him/her a little bit and ultimately benefitted me as much as possible. If the true Lori called with information about what was good for me in the long run, I'd tell myself that I'd take care of that later. I spent that time identifying what I needed and what I wanted and what the difference was between the two.
What helped me the most to figure out what I was missing was the stark contrasts between three men in my life: Cameron, Doug, and Tyler. I have an analogy for each of them. I know. I'm a dork.
Cameron was an anchor. Doug was a funhouse mirror. Tyler was a bridge.
Explanations: First of all, you think right away that "anchor" sounds good. You're wrong. Imagine the chain to the anchor is tied around my ankle and I'm in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and there's a huge helluva storm... and the chain is only four feet long. You get the picture. Initially, you'd think having an anchor in rough seas would be a good idea but in real life your chances of making it through tough times depends only on your own strength. Anchors can't pull you any way but down.
Doug was a character. He was flighty and unpredictable. He was flattering and insulting at the same time. He was intimate but so distant. He was upfront and open but I never knew anything about him. He was never what I thought he would be. He made me see myself in really unfamiliar (and sometimes unfair) ways and he made me feel like that was the real me. He didn't do any of this intentionally. He was just careless. Actions speak louder than words, after all and his actions always said "You're great but not great enough for me to give up the possibility of finding someone greater." He gave me a distorted view of myself - funhouse mirror.
Tyler so far has been a bridge...or...part of one anyway. Structural engineers design bridges so that if one part falls, the bridge may be weakened but it doesn't all fall apart. Tyler and I are a bridge. I'd be sad without him, but if I have to stand on my own two feet, I can and I do.
So what made Tyler different? Honesty. He doesn't hold back and there are no secrets between us. Communication. He encourages me to say what's on my mind, even if I think it's an "internal" thing. Maturity. Not in sense of humor, that's for sure. I've never seen a man who likes fart jokes more than Tyler. But he understands what a relationship needs to be successful and he's willing to make the effort. Tyler stood out because when I said I was afraid of commitment, he said "I'll wait for you." When every other man in my life just wanted to hang out for an hour or two for the fun he could get, Tyler taught me that, not only was I worth devotion, I was worth patience and understanding. Even when it wasn't warranted or necessary, he wanted to wait for me.
My old habits have been hard to break. All of my decisions are tough. I want to either act on a whim or do something because someone else told me to. Both options are childish. I'm ready to be an adult.
I'm also very tired. This post has been very long and very random. I'm going to bed.

AIM brings a bounty of LOL

2005-09-19T01:07:00.000-05:00

From my awesome Libertarians treasurer -

Ace5129: lol maybe if your lucky one day I will find it deep within my cold shriveled heart to make sweet sweet love to you

Here's to reducing my risk of cancer...

2005-09-12T23:39:00.000-05:00

Raise your hand if you think this is the best news since Anna Nicole's show got cancelled.

Furious and Hurt

2005-09-08T22:42:00.000-05:00

To all those who stabbed me in the back, fuck you. To all those who can't separate petty childish games from real progress, fuck you. To all those who pretend to be friends, fuck you. To all those without the balls to tell me things to my face, fuck you.
You can all take your stupid fucking title and shove it. I don't care about the name or the notereity or the fake power. I'm pissed and hurt and confused that there were so many people who wanted things changed and didn't tell me what the problem was, so many people who said they were my friends and then plotted behind my back, so many people who waited until after the damage was done.
I'm not backing down. FUCK YOU. I don't care about your fucking title but I will NOT resign as though I've done something wrong. I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG and I will not take this lying down. I have a lot to offer and I'm going to offer it no matter what assholes want to stop me. Maybe in the future I'll be more careful with who I trust.

Quotes

2005-09-04T19:53:00.000-05:00

More time with Ty means more offensive/hilarious things to put on my blog...

(to me) "You are the girl that creates the girl driver stereotype."

(to Windeon) "You're lucky you're black or you'd be white trash."

(to me) "Good thing you're cute or you'd starve to death."

P.S. I've officially decided...I need a tattoo buddy. When I save up the money, I'm goin' to Texas!

I need your help.

2005-09-03T23:49:00.000-05:00

I have decided that my apartment sucks right now. I keep comparing it to the Reserve (especially since Tyler lives there and his apartment is so much cooler than mine :'( ) and it just doesn't measure up. I don't know why but every time I come home, I just want to leave. I really don't like this place. So this is where you, my awesomest friends, come in.
I need ideas on how to make me like my apartment more. Below, I have listed the main reasons this apartment sucks in my eyes. If you can help me with one or more of these things, you would be contributing to a much less stressed, much more happy Lori because my home is really where my heart is and since my home sucks HARDCORE right now, my heart is very, very sad. The items in bold are the most important.

Reasons the apartment sucks:
1. It's not nearly as pretty as it was last year:
a. The walls are a really gross, dingy-looking white.
b. It feels dirty even when it's clean.
2. Size/Comfort issues:
a. My bedroom is too fucking small.
b. My kitchen is way too fucking small.
c. My bed is WAY too small. I'm a really short person and my feet hang off the edge.
d. My bed, in spite of the substantial investment in a memory foam mattress pad, is so uncomfortable that I have yet to sleep through a night. I usually wake up about every two and a half hours.
e. The couches are too hard.
f. The living room is too dark.
Fun-ness - the absolute most vital factor:
a. I feel completely cut off from campus. The apartment is too far away from the center of the universe - aka OU.
b. The only thing I ever do here is homework and sleeping. All my fun activities are elsewhere - and for good reason. This apartment is fucking BORING.
c. My internet/cable is such an enormous pain in the ass...that's a completely different story though. Suffice it to say, I fucking hate Cox.
d. I feel so lonely here. Cold white walls. Very, very few visitors. Far from campus. It's making me sad just sitting here.

Every time I walk into my apartment, I feel depressed. I'm sick of it. I don't know what to do to make this better but I have to fix it because I can't get back to my beloved Reserve for eleven and a half months. If I leave it the way it is, I'm likely to get very depressed very quickly. I'm just really glad I have Tyler's more awesome apartment to run to when necessary...

Any ideas you have would be greatly appreciated.

EDIT: (9/5) Since my sore back has now officially healed, I have discovered that the bed isn't so bad after all. In fact, it's really freakin' comfy. Memory foam is from the gods.

2005-08-30T10:12:00.000-05:00

#include < stdio.h>
int main ()
{
printf("I'm learning compy stuff! Huzzah!\n")
}
/*
The unnecessary space in the preprocesser directive was,
in fact, necessary to keep blogger from making that line disappear.
*/

Lions. I'm tellin' ya.

2005-08-29T21:16:00.000-05:00

So I had a little convo with Keith online today...

Scfi Romantic: this reminds me of the new "proof" they got going about how they project a 97% chance Jesus was resurrected
ambitiousLORI: haha Do tell.
Scfi Romantic: 1. The probably of God's existence is one in two. That is, God either exists or doesn't.
2. The probability that God became incarnate, that is embodied in human form, is also one in two.
3. The evidence for God's existence is an argument for the resurrection.
4. The chance of Christ's resurrection not being reported by the gospels has a probability of one in 10.
5. Considering all these factors together, there is a one in 1,000 chance that the resurrection is not true.
ambitiousLORI: who came up with that "proof"?
Scfi Romantic: 98% chance at least
Scfi Romantic: Oxford University professor Richard Swinburne, a leading philosopher of religion
Scfi Romantic: OXFORD!
ambitiousLORI: hahahaha
ambitiousLORI: So many Christians, so few lions.

Awww...

2005-08-26T19:40:00.000-05:00

Tyler is sleeping...shhh...
I'm using his computer to update my blog since Cox Communications blows. When I say blows, I mean BLOWS. But that's another story for another time.
For now, I want everyone in the world to know that I am fully capable of doing really bitchy things when I need to. I'm actually kind of proud of this one because I never would have thought I'd have the guts to do it...
So I was running late for my class this morning and I decided that rather than parking in the really big lot by the stadium that would definitely have a spot for me, I would gamble a little and try the little lot right by Sarkey's (where my class is) that almost never has a spot. So I go to that lot I circle around a couple of times and there's this little white car that is about to pull out...score! So I drive up and completely ignore the blue Mustang with his turn signal on who clearly had dibs on that spot. I took it. He honked and cursed and when I got out he asked "Did you not see me with my turn signal on?" and I just said "Sorry. It's dog eat dog, man," and then I went to class. I felt pretty guilty but I had circled around that lot twice before he even pulled into it...I know because I saw him pull in...and it really is dog eat dog. If he'd taken it, I'd have fought him. With my girly fists of justice. That's the way it is.
Classes are good. I think there are too fucking many of 'em but what can ya do? I gots to graduate before the turn of the next century, right?
I'm working out four to five times a week. Aren't you proud? I'm really sore in places that I didn't really even know I had muscles. That's scary...and painful. But I'll be sexy before it's all over.
Anyway, Tyler has awakened. That is my update and that will be all the updates until I can get my bloody internet fixed. Cox will pay. Just you wait. Remember, I have the girly fists of justice.

Mmmm...Halo...

2005-08-22T21:34:00.000-05:00

You have no idea the happiness that happens in my pants when I see things like this.

A Song to Suit My Mood

2005-08-22T21:14:00.000-05:00

(Just FYI, it's a lot more the feel of the song itself rather than the lyrics that match my mood...and the one line "can I stay alive forever")

"Forever"
by Breaking Benjamin

do you know that i could never leave you?
and you know i could never beat you?
and if i, if i could never find you nevermind,
i would not forget you.
can i stay alive forever?
can i stay alive forever?
can i stay alive forever?
forever.
can i feel a chemical reaction?
because i feel a hideous
attraction could we share a poison apple?
could it be maniacal and awful?
can i stay alive forever?
can i stay alive forever?
can i stay alive forever?
forever. forever
stay alive forever
forever

Lots 'o' Stuff

2005-08-20T15:35:00.000-05:00

First of all, let me get this off my chest...ya know how I've been slowly creeping toward hardcore blonde with my hair color lately? Well, today I decided to take the plunge and I got a hair color kit and did the 45 minutes worth of work and all that damage to my fragile little hairs and it looks exactly the fucking same. That's frustrating. Maybe next time I'll try a lighter shade.
Anyway, I'm completely moved in. My car is official and completely awesome. I'm spending a ton of time with Tyler. Life is good. I've been a little teeny bit bored though. There just isn't that much to do when you're flat broke. We don't officially have internet yet (I'm stealing from someone else's unsecured wireless right now) but that should come soon too - and then I can play Halo on XBox Live again. Hooray! And then there's class on Monday...I'm not really sure how I feel about that yet. I'll let you know how that goes when I get there. Call me, people! We'll hang out!

Moving + Car = WOO-HOO!!!

2005-08-16T08:11:00.000-05:00

I'm moving in and getting my car all officialized within the next twelve hours. Isn't that awesome? :-D

THREE DAYS TO FREEDOM!!!

2005-08-13T22:13:00.000-05:00

Bad stuff:
*I have a ton of packing left to do.
*I still don't have the title to my car yet and, thus, still can't drive it.
*Textbooks are really fucking expensive.
*I can't find the remote to my TV.

Good stuff:
*I only have to work ONE (that's ONE) more shift at Convergys.
*Tyler will be in town for good in less than 48 hours.
*I have XBox Live (gamertag is N1nj4D4wn - send me a friend request) and my own copy of Halo 2.
*I'll be living on my own again in about three days.
*My car will at last be actually drive-able and not just taking up space in the garage by Tuesday...or at least that's the plan.
*I have a good excuse to buy a cute dress. (My uncle is getting married in about a week!)
*This summer from Hell is almost over.
*My last Convergys check will be a really big one.

Wow. Hardcore

2005-08-11T13:38:00.000-05:00

Always remember that life is more important than Battlefield 2.

EDIT: Link broken. And all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't fucking fix it.

If you love me, you'll buy this for me right now.

2005-08-09T22:33:00.000-05:00

I can almost taste it.

2005-08-06T21:07:00.000-05:00

I'm moving back to my own fantastic apartment in 10 days. Tyler moves back to Norman in 8 days. It can't come soon enough. I miss him so much and I need to get out of this crazy house. Monday should be the day we make the car official. The date keeps getting put back further and further because (for one thing) both Fowler Honda and the DMV are full of idiots with no idea how to get things done quickly.
Anyway, I don't really have anything interesting to talk about. I've just been working a whole lot and playing Halo 2. That's all for now. I'll let you know if anything interesting happens.

Ninjas are still way cooler...but you can call me Captain if you want.

2005-08-03T20:54:00.000-05:00

My pirate name is:

Captain Ethel Kidd

Even though there's no legal rank on a pirate ship, everyone recognizes you're the one in charge. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

singing She works hard for the money! So hard for the money!

2005-07-31T22:15:00.000-05:00

I won't be able to update for a while because on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of this week I'm working thirteen hour shifts. Ouch.
I'm putting in my two weeks tomorrow. And two weeks from tomorrow I will be FREE! Hooray!
In the meantime, I will work my ass off to make up for the week that I'm going to take for myself just before school starts.
Tyler moves in on August 15th. I move into my apartment on August 17th. My car should be all official in the next couple of days with papers and insurance and tag and warranty and all. I still need money really, really badly.
That is all.

More Not-So Cryptic Song Lyrics

2005-07-29T02:20:00.000-05:00

I miss Tyler!

"Collide"
By Howie Day

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometime
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet, you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometime
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometime
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

Finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide

I need money.

2005-07-27T23:14:00.000-05:00

I'm so fucking broke. Seriously, if anyone has some random job that they want me to do for a little extra cash, as long as it's not sexual or illegal, I'll do it. I'll clean your room. I'll wash your car. I'll even vacuum the inside and make it smell nice and stuff. I just need money. Pwease. :(

The Words of a True Gamer

2005-07-23T20:56:00.000-05:00

Courtesy of lead software designer Cliff Bleszinski, about to be best known for Gears of War on 360, I present to you a particularly apt and sentimental description of the melee:

"You have these two guys that are engaging in this dance of death where it’s almost like the prom date where the room melts away and it’s just the two of them focusing on each other. Except instead of trying to have a nice intimate moment of romance, they’re trying to kill each other"

That was so beautiful, I think I might cry.

WOO-HOO!!!

2005-07-22T21:10:00.000-05:00

*Lori does a really enthusiastic happy dance.*

OMG! I'm so freakin' excited. You don't even know.

Is that not the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? Are you jealous? Cuz it's mine.

PS To all the millions of my awesome friends who gave millions of rides whenever I asked last year and this summer, etc: The minute this car becomes legal for me to drive, there is a permanent outstanding offer of a ride ANYTIME you may need it. (That is particularly applicable to my poor friend, Sean, who recently suffered the tragic loss of his long faithful Buick LeSabre. And to my awesomest of awesome Bunny who gave me more rides than any of the other people put together cuz she's just that awesome.) You guys kick ass times fifty!

OMFG...soooo funny!

2005-07-18T00:13:00.000-05:00

I stumbled on this fantastic picture on another blog. This one's for those of you who know Ty. The caption on Shaun's blog was "Have you ever heard weird creaking sounds and chose to ignore them?...Yeah, so did he."